Couples Counselling

How the heck did we get here?

You're looking at that picture up there and rolling your eyes, aren't you? Yeah, that makes sense. Pictures of happy couples feel pretty trite sometimes. That's just not reality. I mean, it probably was at some point. Things in your relationship used to be warm... hot! But right now that feels a lifetime away. In fact, if you're reading this page, things in your relationship have gone a bit further than squabbles over the dishes now. Things are hard. Really hard.

 

If you're fighting and yelling, the hurt just compounds with each unresolved fight. Maybe instead of getting loud, you are noticing that there is resentment simmering under the surface. Either way, that disconnection is so cold and lonely... it feels impossible to sort out.

Find That Warmth Again.

You've probably tried everything in your arsenal to reconnect with your partner: change them, change yourself, shift the pattern, yell, stay quiet, ask for your needs, stay silent. And it Just. Isn't. Working. In fact, it's likely that the things you are trying are just making things worse. You're not alone in this. We work with a LOT of couples and we can tell you that you aren't crazy. In fact, that crazy messed up cycle that you and your partner get into is actually just your way of protecting yourselves and the relationship. 

 

Our couples therapists specialize in Emotionally Focused Therapy, which is a highly researched method of working with couples experiencing disconnection and crisis. This model relies heavily on Attachment Theory, which tells us that when our partner feels distant from us, our nervous systems react as if we are in immanent danger. So, of COURSE things with your partner feel impossibly hard! 

 

We will start off in the first session beginning to hear from both parties where you get stuck in your relationship. After the first session, each partner will attend a one-on-one session, giving a bit more space to understand each perspective. After that, at least in most cases, all sessions will be together. In a non-blaming way, your therapist will help you to identify the cycle that happens between you and your partner along with the body sensations, thoughts, and emotions that come up for you in those interactions. You might even give it a name, like the cyclone or the big bad wolf. Eventually, you will even be able to hear and understand the fear and pain behind the other's hurtful actions. By recognizing the patterns, you and your partner can work together against the cycle. You can become a "WE" again. 

 

Better than you can even imagine.

Most couples, when they attend their first session, have only a general idea of what they are wanting to improve. The one we hear most often? "Better Communication." Yes, we definitely want that. But let's think bigger! You can have so much more than that. Have you seen those super happy old couples that just cant stop smiling at each other? That's what you want. I know it's hard to even begin to imagine that it's possible, but trust us. You and your partner can definitely get there, you just need some help. What's more? You deserve that kind of connection: a connection where it is safe to share you fears and needs, and be able to hear the same from your partner.

 

Look, Relationship Therapy is what we do. If you have a partner who is hesitant, or if you have had a bad experience in couples therapy before, give us a chance. If you're still wondering if the time, money, and effort is worth it, give us a try before giving up. You deserve to have that magical connection (and it's possible to find it sooner than you might think.)