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How Play Unlocks Healing, Growth, and Understanding in Children Have you ever asked a child what's bothering them, only to be met with a shrug or a simple, " I don’t know ?" It can be so frustrating, right? You want to help, but they just seem to shut down or walk away. As a parent or caregiver, it’s totally normal to feel a bit stuck in those moments. When kids are upset, anxious, or acting out, they often struggle to find the right words to express what they’re feeling. Unlike adults, who can talk through their emotions, children tend to process their feelings differently—they play them out! Think about it: whether they’re building towering structures with blocks, drawing wild and imaginative creatures, or diving into make-believe adventures, play is their way of making sense of the world around them. For kids dealing with emotional, behavioral, or psychological challenges, play isn't just a fun pastime; it’s actually a vital pathway to healing. What Is Play Therapy? Play therapy is a structured, theory-based, therapeutic approach that complements children's developmental communication and learning processes. In play therapy, the use of toys, storytelling, art, and games helps kids express feelings, process experiences, and grow their emotional skills without having to rely on talking alone. It isn't just 'playtime'—it's intentional time to tend to their well-being and help them generate resiliency. This is important because young children don't have the emotional vocabulary or self-awareness that adults do. Ever wonder why your child complains of stomach aches when it’s time to go to school, or get ready for soccer practice? Have you encountered them lashing out at their siblings when they're told they can't have something? How about clinging to you—or experiencing a form of regression like bedwetting—after a major transition in their life? These are just a few examples of various ways kids communicate “ I feel anxious/upset/out of control ” because they don’t have the words or understanding to say that to you directly. Ultimately, when the words just aren't there, we need to use the language of play .  What Happens in a Session? A typical play therapy session runs for about 50 minutes. During this time, the therapist sets up a safe and inviting space filled with a variety of toys and materials like puppets, miniature figures, art supplies, a sand tray, costumes, and even a dollhouse. You might be wondering, “ So they just play for an hour? ” It might look like simple play, but there’s so much more happening behind the scenes! The therapist is actively observing, joining in, or guiding the play to foster healing, insight, and growth. They pay close attention to the child’s play themes, emotional states, and the symbolic communication that unfolds during the session. For example, a child might engage in what we call "instability play." You know, when they make their toys fall over, tip things 'accidentally,' or pretend they’re about to tumble off something? This kind of play might seem silly at first, but it’s actually quite meaningful. It can be a way for them to express feelings about control and safety, as they take charge of their little world in an imaginative way. Then there’s the child who enjoys building fences, a jail, or a big block house. This isn’t just about stacking blocks; it’s their way of expressing a desire for containment. They might be trying to keep something inside or outside of their space, which reflects their need for safety, security, and protection. It's in these ways that play therapy offers a gentle space for reflection and exploration. Instead of asking a child overwhelming questions and drawing inferences from their answers, the therapist helps the child gain insight into their feelings and find emotional release through play. Over time, this can lead to some notable changes in the child—like improved emotional regulation, better problem-solving skills, and healthier relationships with others. How It Helps Play therapy is a fantastic way for children to express emotions that they might not fully understand yet. It helps them feel in-control and safe, while also developing crucial skills like empathy and social interaction. Through this process, kids can learn to regulate their emotions and improve their behavior without the need for shame or punishment. This approach is especially helpful for children facing challenges such as anxiety, grief or loss, significant life changes like divorce, behavioral issues, trauma, and difficulties in social situations. You might be wondering, “ Where do we fit in as parents and caregivers? ” The good news is that you’re an essential part of this journey! Therapists often meet with you to discuss your child's progress, share strategies you can use at home, explore any family stressors or patterns, and work together to build a stronger support system. Remember, you are a vital part of the healing process! Play therapy serves as a wonderful bridge between confusion and connection for kids. It’s a therapeutic approach that really meets children where they are, offering them a safe space to express themselves. Here, they can be seen, soothed, and supported while also being encouraged to embrace their imagination, emotions, and even a little messiness. If you’ve noticed your child feeling overwhelmed, withdrawn, or acting in ways that leave you puzzled, play therapy could be just what they need. It’s all about unlocking their potential in a fun and engaging way! If play therapy seems like a good fit for your child, YEG Family Counselling offers this for kids as young 3 years old. You can read more about me and my personal practice in my bio and start our intake process here .

I can’t remember when I first heard the term “religious trauma”. That feels strange to say (or write!) out loud, given that ever since the term came into my awareness it has been one of the central focal points of my life. This is true both in my professional therapeutic practice, as well as my personal life as I make sense of the world, my own experiences, and the experiences of those I love. Even though I can’t remember the specific moment where I learned the term, what I do remember is the feeling that came with having a new label to ascribe to the experiences I was hearing about and exploring in my own life. It was like a light switched on – suddenly the patterns, pain, and stories I was hearing had a name and a deeper context. Someone’s religious background and faith experiences went from being just a bullet point in their story, to being the focal point in a constellation of many interconnected stars. The concept of religious trauma has gained a lot of traction over the last handful of years--something I’m very thankful for! Previously, the research had focused on the ways religion and faith/spirituality can support folks in healing from trauma. It 's only in recent years, however, that there's been a more formal recognition of the ways that religious communities can be a source  of trauma and hurt (Stone, 2013). You might also hear religious trauma referred to by other names, such as spiritual abuse, or church hurt, just to name a few. While there is no one right way to define it, I have come to understand the concept as such: religious trauma refers to the response we have to the psychological harms that stem from teachings, doctrines, or environments of a religious nature that instill fear, shame, guilt, or confusion. Often, it emerges when religious beliefs or leaders convey the message (directly or indirectly) that a person is unworthy, inherently flawed, or at risk of rejection and punishment, whether in this life or in the afterlife. Over time, these messages can deeply affect a person’s sense of self, safety, and belonging, and they overwhelm our ability to cope (Anderson, 2023; Stone, 2013; Winell, 1993). What's most insidious for those in religious and spiritual communities is the values that are attributed to different emotions and behaviours. Feelings of joy, contentment, and a service-oriented attitude are labelled as “positive” and are often upheld as ideals to strive for. While it's, of course, great to connect with feelings of joy and contentment, and to support others, it's unrealistic to assume that we are always going to live in that place. We're human! We're naturally going to experience the full range of human emotion – including anger, sadness, confusion, and more – and our capacity for supporting others will naturally ebb and flow. In many faith communities, however, this reality can be purposefully ignored. Emotions or behaviors labeled as “negative” may be discouraged, even though they're entirely normal and valid. As a result, we can begin to feel guilt or shame for simply experiencing these emotions, or for focusing on our own needs for a bit, rather than the needs of others (Stone, 2013; Winell, 2011). Over time, this can lead to emotional disconnection, a diminished trust in our own feelings, and the denial of personal needs—all in an effort to remain accepted and safe within the faith community.  Identity plays a really important part in this, too. In many faith communities, there are often unspoken (or loudly spoken) rules about which identities are considered acceptable—and which aren’t. This can include things like our sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, cultural background, family structure, neurodiversity, personality, and more (Winell, 2011; Stone, 2013; Hollier et al., 2022 ). When who we are does not align with what is deemed “acceptable”, we are left with very few options for safety. When I talk about this with clients, I often use the image of a volume dial on a radio. We learn early on which parts of ourselves are welcomed and which ones aren’t, so we start turning the volume way up on the parts that are seen as okay— maybe your more altruistic parts – and we turn the volume down, sometimes all the way off, on the parts that aren’t. Over time, we can lose touch with parts of ourselves that are beautiful, important, and sacred. When that happens, we can start to feel unworthy, confused, and disconnected from who we truly are. This inauthenticity can take a deep toll on us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  We know religious trauma can impact us all in a lot of different ways, and that many of us are navigating these waters. What I’ve shared here is just a glimpse into some of the ways it shows up, of course. If any of this resonates with you, please know that you’re not alone. At YEG Family Counselling, you’ll always find a safe and supportive place to land. If you're ready to explore these kinds of experiences, here are a few things we want you to hold onto: Who you are is beautiful, valid, and real; You get to experience the full range of human emotion here; You get to decide what, if any, connection to faith and spirituality you want to have moving forward.  I hope that sharing how I think about religious trauma in my practice helps you begin to shape your own understanding of it. I also hope it brings a sense of comfort to those of you who recognize yourselves in the experiences and ideas I’ve described. What you’ve been through is real, and if you're ready to start unpacking those experiences, you are always welcome here. Resources for further learning:  Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell  When Religion Hurts You by Dr. Laura Anderson  https://www.religioustraumainstitute.com/ References Hollier, J., Clifton, S., & Smith-Merry, J.  (2022). Mechanisms of religious trauma amongst queer people in Australia’s evangelical churches. Clinical Social Work Journal, 50 (3), 275–285. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10615-021-00817-2 Stone, A. M.  (2013). Thou shalt not: Treating religious trauma and spiritual harm with combined therapy. Group, 37 (4), 323–337. https://doi.org/10.13186/group.37.4.0323 Winell, M.  (1993). Leaving the fold: A guide for former fundamentalists and others leaving their religion . Apocryphile Press. Winell, M.  (2011). Religious trauma syndrome (Series of 3 articles). Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Today, 39 (2), May 2011; 39 (3), September 2011; 39 (4), November 2011. British Association of Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies. Reprinted at Journey Free website:   https://www.journeyfree.org/rts/rts-its-time-to-recognize-it/

So, you and your partner have decided to see a couples therapist. Kudos to you both for taking that step! But before you book that first session, it’s a good idea to ask some questions to make sure the therapist is a good fit for you. Think of it as an interview —after all, this person is going to help you navigate some pretty difficult and personal stuff. Let's dive into some key questions to ask your potential couples therapist. 1. What’s Your Experience with Couples Therapy? Start with the basics. You want to know if they have the chops to handle your relationship issues. Ask about their background, training, and how long they've been doing this. It’s like asking a chef if they know how to cook—it just makes sense! 2. What’s Your Approach or Therapy Style with Couples? Therapists have different styles. Some are more direct and will give you homework, while others might take a more laid-back, listening approach. Do they use specific methods like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or the Gottman Method? Knowing this can help you decide if their style matches what you're looking for. 3. Have You Done Counselling with Couples Like Us Before? This isn't just about having experience but relevant experience. If you’re dealing with specific issues like infidelity, neurodiversity, or blending families, you’ll want to know if they've handled similar situations. It's like finding a specialist rather than just a general practitioner. 4. What Can We Expect from the Process of Couples Counselling? This one’s a biggie. Ask about the general structure of the sessions and what the process looks like. Will there be individual sessions, or is it always together? How long do sessions last? What’s the expected duration of the therapy? This helps set expectations so you’re not left wondering what’s next. 5. How Do You Handle Conflicts in Couples Therapy Sessions? Let’s be real—things can get heated in therapy. It’s important to know how the therapist deals with conflict between partners. Do they intervene? Do they let you work it out? A good therapist should have strategies to keep things productive. 6. What Are Your Fees for Counselling and Do You Take Insurance? Money talk isn’t always comfortable, but it's necessary. Ask about the cost per session, any sliding scale fees, and if they accept insurance. This helps avoid any awkward surprises down the road. 7. What’s Your Scheduling Availability for Couples? You and your partner probably have busy lives, so find out if the therapist’s schedule aligns with yours. Can they offer evening or weekend sessions? How flexible are they if you need to reschedule? 8. How Do You Handle Situations Where One Partner is Reluctant to Engage in Therapy? Sometimes one partner might be more eager to attend therapy than the other. It’s helpful to know how the therapist deals with situations where one person is reluctant or resistant. Do they have strategies to engage both partners and ensure that everyone feels heard and involved? This can be crucial for making the therapy process effective and balanced. 9. What Are Your Views on [Insert Important Topic Here]? If there’s a specific issue you’re dealing with—like parenting styles, cultural differences, religious beliefs, or even political views—it might be good to know where the therapist stands. You want to make sure they're open-minded and can handle the dynamics of your relationship. 10. How Will We Know If Therapy Is Working? Finally, it’s good to know what success looks like and how long it might take to get there. Ask how they measure progress and what signs to look out for that indicate the therapy is helping. Also ask about the time frame they might expect is needed based on your level of distress and how often they recommend that you attend couples therapy sessions. his will give you a sense of what the journey will be like, helps keep you motivated, and ensures you're on the right track. Find the help that your relationship needs! Remember, the goal is to find someone you both feel comfortable with and who can help you navigate the rocky parts of your relationship. Don’t be afraid to shop around and ask these questions— one size doesn't fit all. YEG Family Counselling: Edmonton's Couple Counselling Experts We are nerdy about attachment and helping our clients find a deeper, safer, long-lasting connection. Like, old people holding hands on a bench kind of attachment. All of our Couples Therapists are trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, which is one of two gold-standard therapies for couples. We have therapists who specialize in: Queer Couples Neurodivergent Couples Infidelity Consensual Non-monogamy, Open Relationships, and Polyamory Parenting Struggles and Blended Families Long-Distance Relationships and Online Couples Therapy Your relationship is too important. Reach out today! It's easy to get started. Choose one of the options below! Fill out a quick and easy online intake Book a consult or phone intake Call us at 780-809-0809 Email hello@yegfamilycounselling.com to ask any further questions you have, including the ones above! #EdmontonCouplesCounselling #YEGfamilycounselling #EdmontonCouplesTherapy #Couplegoals #Queercouplestherapy #NeurodivergentCouples #CouplesTherapy #CouplesCounselling

Conversations challenging many of the traditional masculine values in North American society have increased and deepened over the last decade. Lots of men have been uncertain about how to feel or respond to these critiques. They hear countless messages about how those traditional values are harmful, toxic, or sexist, but almost as many messages about how men who stray from those values are weak, unattractive failures.  With so many differing opinions and passionate perspectives, it can be confusing to know how to act in today’s world. So let’s talk about how men, or those supporting men in their lives, can navigate these different pressures around masculinity. Evaluate what you’ve been taught about manhood and masculinity. Ask yourself: what does it mean to be a man? Consider the messages you’ve absorbed about masculinity and the ways you’ve seen it modelled for you.   How have people–family, friends, partners– responded when you’ve tried to go against their idea of masculinity? This is important because, although it might feel like our understanding of something like masculinity is innate, it’s actually shaped by a lot of different forces–like our families, the media, and larger social structures–that are influencing us all the time. Before we even think about challenging or shifting our own understanding of what it means to be a man, we need to build an awareness that this understanding is constructed. From there, you can begin to reflect on what weight, or value, you want to give those sources of influence. Think critically about what people are actually saying when they talk about masculinity. Even though there’s a lot of conversation about men and masculinity, much of the language people use to talk about it is vague or coded. So when you hear someone talk about how masculinity is ‘toxic’–or about how we don’t have any ‘real men’ around anymore–you might want to consider what exactly they mean by that. What are the values, behaviours, and societal patterns they are explicitly referring to when they make those comments? It’s hard to know what you want to examine for yourself if it’s not even clear what people are talking about. In general, it can be helpful to explore these ideas with people who have a more nuanced understanding, as well as empathy for other people’s perspectives. If someone is framing things in ‘all or nothing’ terms or using ‘us vs. them’ logic, that can make it more difficult to get a holistic picture of the potentially valid criticisms they have of contemporary masculinity. Figure out what matters to you and why. Regardless of other people’s opinions, you get to decide the values you want to live by. For example, maybe you value strength, intelligence, and hard work. On their face, those are noble values that contribute positively to our communities and society more generally. But what’s important is to ask yourself why those values are important to you. If we take away the external noise telling us how men are “supposed” to be, how would you choose to live your life? Does asking yourself why you hold certain values open up space to explore other values instead? Feeling confident about the values that matter most to you creates a solid foundation for the choices and actions you want to take in life. This can help prevent the feeling that you’re being pushed and pulled by other people’s expectations and opinions. It also allows you to decide what values you want to look for in other people, and the community you want to surround yourself with more generally. Consider the impact your values–and their corresponding actions–have on those around you. Ensuring your actions are congruent with your values is important, but even when everything is in alignment, we still have to be aware of the impact our choices have on others. An easy--albeit extreme--example would be around relationship scripts. A traditional masculine value in prior decades has been that men have the right to sex by virtue of being men and the providers in the home. In fact, prior to 1983, Canada’s sexual assault laws reflected this belief as they didn’t actually cover assault between a married man and woman. This meant it was legal for a man to sexually assault his wife. Of course, we all know that sexual assault is wrong, and consent education has done it's part to help us all understand that no one is ever entitled to sexual activity from another person, regardless of the circumstances. However, this is an example of how, just because a value might feel right to an individual (or society), the actions associated with that value can still detrimentally impact the safety and bodily autonomy of someone else. Again, this doesn’t mean one has to scrap everything associated with that value. Ultimately, if a man prefers to have more traditional gender roles in his relationships (e.g. the husband works and the wife looks after the kids and takes care of the home) that is perfectly fair. In that case, it’s just important to be clear about those values in order to find the partner/people who hold complementary views, rather than trying to impose those values on people who disagree with them, or aren’t interested in structuring their life that way. How can therapy help you navigate the pressures of masculinity? This blog post is short and simple, but that doesn’t mean that anything I’ve talked about in the post is actually short or simple to do or figure out. Some people might feel confident in their ability to navigate the pressures of masculinity on their own, or with their own support system. However, for those who don’t, a therapist can help sort through the conflicting messages and resulting confusion that many men and boys are grappling with. Therapy provides a safe place to ask questions and practice being vulnerable–something many of us haven’t had access to before. It can also help us gain the skills needed to build relationships with people outside of our families and immediate social circles to help combat feelings of loneliness or isolation which are unfortunately common among men in our society.

Occupational Therapy: making every task a little less work. When we mention that we have an Occupational therapist on our staff, we often get a bit of a curious look. So I thought I would answer some of the Frequently Asked Questions that we get when talking about how Occupational Therapy can help you! Occupational Therapy: Frequently Asked Questions ​What does an Occupational Therapist do? Occupational Therapists have a super power in looking at how a person "occupies" themselves or spends their time in order to help them feel healthier, happier, and more themselves. While Psychologists and other therapists will help you mainly with your internal processes, OT's have a super power in helping you make both internal and external adjustments to help you with your mental health. ​ Within mental health settings like YEG FC, occupational therapy can be used as a stand-alone treatment or in conjunction with treatments provided by other healthcare disciplines such as psychiatry, psychology, social work and counselling. Learn more about Occupational Therapy here.​ What makes Occupational Therapy different from psychology, social work or other disciplines that provide therapy? ​Occupational Therapists focus on the activities you do that occupy your time, give you meaning and help you enhance these activities to help you feel better. ​Central to occupational therapy is doing. So whether your goal is career exploration, finding balance, household management, social skills, or something else, you can expect therapy sessions and homework afterward to focus on activities that help solidify the skills and practical strategies. ​Can you give me some examples of how Occupational Therapy can help with Mental Health?​​ Let's say your therapy goal is to be more confident and cultivate self-esteem. Your psychologist or Counsellor might work with you to understand and heal the underlying causes of low self-esteem to move you toward self compassion. The occupational therapist will, in addition, explore activities with you that you struggle to engage with because of low self-confidence. Then, your OT would teach strategies to improve self-confidence or modify the activity to promote self-confidence and self-esteem.​ Part of the therapy approach might include role-playing, learning a new skill, changing the activity or modifying the environment to encourage success. Through this process, we might address the underlying causes of low self-esteem and self-confidence or discover that more work with psychology is required.​ What will a session look like with an Occupational Therapist? Each session with your OT might look a little bit different. In the beginning, they will spend some time getting to know you as a person and also a little bit about what you are struggling with. Sometimes that will involve assessments that involve you answering some questions verbally or on paper. Later on, though, each session will depend completely on what you are needing. Your sessions might happen in the office, online, or even out in the community. If you are struggling with Self-esteem like the example above, your OT might go with you to a workshop on self-esteem, or attend a hot yoga class with you, or help you find a bird-watching group that might be of interest to you. In some instances, an OT session looks very similar to a therapy session, and certain OT's have just as much experience working therapeutically with clients as their psychology counterparts. Every intervention and every session will have your fingerprints all over it, and you get to have the biggest say in what is going to be best and most helpful for you. Is Occupational Therapy covered by my insurance? You'll have to check directly with your provider, but it often is! Usually Occupational Therapy is covered under mental health services but it is also sometimes its own category, which means if you have already used up your max for therapy, you may have a different pot of money to draw from. OT can also be covered for kids through government programs. If you like the feel of our practice, ask your (or your child's) caseworker if you qualify for coverage for OT and put them in touch with us so we can work out the details! So what now? If you're intrigued, here are a few things you can do to take action. 1. Find out more about Occupational Therapy in your area. In Alberta, visit the Alberta College of Occupational Therapists Find out more about Occupational Therapy via the Worldwide Federation of Occupational Therapy 2. Call your insurance provider to find out if you are covered to see an Occupational Therapist. This may include extra coverage through your workplace, WCB, Motor Vehicle Accident coverage, Family Services for Children with Disabilities (FSCD), Childrens' Services, or other agencies. 3. Write a list of questions that you would like to ask a potential Occupational Therapist. This list has been adapted from the Alberta College of Occupational Therapists website. What is your registration number and how long have you been working? What is your training and experience working with people like me dealing with a similar life situation? What kinds of things would you include in my action plan to help me with my struggles? Would you recommend any specific assessments? If so, which ones might you complete? Who else will be involved in treatment? (Family, friends, other healthcare providers, etc.) How many sessions am I likely to need? What frequency do you typically recommend? What are your fees? Are they different when I am in the office vs. in the community or in my home? Do you direct bill my insurance? Will you assign me activities or homework between sessions? When will I know I no longer need your services? 4. When you are ready, interview a few different options using the questions above. 5. Get in touch with YEG Family Counselling if you live in Alberta! We offer free 15-minute consults with our therapists upon request. Just ask to speak to an Occupational Therapist! #mentalhealthOT #Occupationaltherapy #occupationaltherapist #acot #EdmontonOT #YEGOT #YEGfamilycounselling #holistichealth #neurodiversity #inclusivetherapy #depressiontherapy #anxietytherapy #familytherapy #playtherapy

Dear People of Colour, I have been biding my time for the last month or so, watching, listening, thinking, learning. I have been challenged. And I have come to the conclusion that I need to come to you humbly with an apology. I have been satisfied with my quiet anti-racism for much too long. For too long I have sought to do no harm rather than acting as a true advocate. I am a white, cisgender female from the upper-middle class. When we are talking about white privilege, I fit the bill pretty perfectly, but I have always fancied myself an ally for those on the margins. I have more often spoken out in support of LGBTQ+ folks, but for reasons I am just beginning to recognize, I have been more reticent to speak out publicly or loudly against racism. I have spent the last month or so reflecting on this, and the following are my humble, honest, heartfelt confessions. I didn't want to make waves. The topic of race is a lighting rod for defensiveness from white folks. No one wants to admit that there is systemic racism because, hello, we are all a part of those systems. Friends, I have often failed to advocate for you because I didn't want to piss people off, or start up facebook fights with my husband's dad's sister's cousin-in-law, or even worse, an acquaintance or friend right in front of me. I have too often chosen to protect my own discomfort and the discomfort of those around me over the human rights of people on the margins. I am so ashamed. I was afraid to say the wrong thing. I have hidden behind the excuse that I want people of colour to speak up for themselves. I know that I cannot speak for BIPOC, but I have stayed silent using this excuse because I have been afraid of being called out, corrected, or shamed. I have made this about me. I am so ashamed. I have overlooked systemic racism when I have witnessed it. This one hurts. I have worked in many different organizations, and in every single one I have witnessed systems that sneakily or overtly favour white folks over black and indigenous ones. I have seen this, and I have spoke out to my friends of colour, telling them this is not ok, that I see it, that they need to speak up. This wasn't enough. I haven't done anything meaningful to make change in these organizations. I am so ashamed. I have felt flooded. More specifically, I have the privilege of letting myself shut down when I get flooded. I let my overwhelm keep me quiet and comfortable, turning off the news and licking my own wounds. I am so ashamed. People of Colour, I can't even begin to imagine the anguish and rage inside of you as you watch current events unfold. I am beginning to realize the ways my silence has contributed to the perpetuation of violence against people of colour. I am so sorry for the ways I have been complicit in furthering the suffering of your community. I will tell you that I will commit to learning from people of colour about what I can do. I will commit to reaching out to the people of colour in my circles to see how they are and how I can help. I will commit to reading and listening to the voices who are leading the way to justice. I will commit to speaking out in large and small forums when I see injustice even when it may cost me. And finally, I will commit to continually checking in with myself and my privilege to make further confessions, because I know I won't get this all right. People of colour, please forgive me. Disclaimer: I am sure that I haven't covered it all or gotten everything right. This is my attempt at beginning. I am very open to respectful comments and discussion on anything I have written.

Raise your hand if any of these sound like the reality of your life right now: You are at home in isolation. You are bombarded all day every day with the needs of the small (and larger) people around you. You are overwhelmed. You get to the end of your rope a LOT more quickly than usual. You need a break. What? You raised your hand on all of those? How about these ones: You LOVE screen time because it is the only time your kids give you a break. You feel super guilty about loving screen time. You have read some scary Facebook articles and worry that you are rotting you child's brain. Yes. As a mom myself, I hear you, and I can assure you that you are not alone. Screen time is one of the most controversial, guilt-inducing parenting topics of our time. If you google "screen time research", Google immediately lights up with all sorts of articles on the limits you should be setting for your kids, what you should and shouldn't be letting them do or see, and how long you should or shouldn't be letting them do that thing. I'm not a Neuropsychology researcher with an MRI machine in my basement, so I'm not an expert on this. But I am a Psychologist with lots of experience working with children, parents, and families. Let's just start by agreeing on some facts together, ok? First, for context. This is not a normal time of your life as a parent. We are dealing with a global pandemic, and I want us to just take a step back, have a breath (really, please have a breath while you are reading this), and recognize that we are all stressed. In fact, we are more than stressed: we are in a state of flux between overwhelm and barely hanging on. Second. Parents today are pioneers. We didn't have smart phones, tablet, or computers at all, really, when we were growing up. Parents, you are the first generation to be trying to figure this out. Third, all of this technology, including facebook and google and instagram and twitter, means that there is way more information available out there, which can be good or bad. There are also way more opinions out there, which is usually bad. Parent guilt is a truly crippling mind trick. Because, of course, you would do ANYTHING for the well-being of your kid. Fourth, all of these scare tactics are really bad for you and for your kid, because, when we are being honest, for most of us, saying "no screen time at all" is impractical. Many of the recommendations that are made seem more aspirational than actually possible. Ok, now that we are all on the same page, let's have a productive conversation about screen time. So, what does the research say? When researchers are being truly honest, they will tell you that they don't actually know. There have been a ton of studies out there that try to address issues such as screen time's effect on sleep, on eating, on ADHD diagnosis, on levels of activity, etc. etc. etc. These studies are always limited, though, because the way Psychology research is approved and conducted, it would likely be considered unethical to conduct a truly controlled study on childhood technology use. I won't get into all the details of that here. But understand that when you read an article on Facebook, it is often pop psychology that takes one possible finding and heightens, exaggerates, or generalizes that finding in a way that makes good (read: alarming) reading. I found this article really helpful in understanding screen time research further, and it is where I found many of the other links I will be referencing. On a practical level, we want to know what to DO about screen time. Here are a few places to start: Just start. Setting any limit is helpful. In this article, the researchers found that setting limits for screen time in general improved outcomes for kids, even though parents had very different rules for what limits they set. Not all screen time is equal: content matters. I think this is probably common sense, but it's easy to forget, because when say "screen time" it includes youtube, video games, iPad apps, Netflix, and all other technology. I think we would all agree that the value of Minecraft is quite different than Grand Theft Auto, and watching Daniel Tiger is quite different for your preschooler's development than watching Shopkins. That doesn't mean things that aren't educational are bad. Just keep these things in context as you weigh pros and cons and work to set limits. Screen time shouldn't be all the time. Have some times of the day, and even, if you're brave, a whole day of the week that is screen-free. Make sure screens are put away an hour before bedtime, at the supper table, and for a few other periods of the day. It's also a good practice to keep screens out of bedrooms. Make use of screen time when it will be most useful for you, like while you are working from home or needing a rest while the baby is down. When you can, engage in screen time with your kids. One of the things researchers agree on is that especially for younger children, its really helpful for parents to sit with them while they watch or play with technology. It helps them understand context, learn better what they are seeing, and have a relational connection. Use screen time for the good! Connect with grandparents, aunties, cousins, friends! Your child might be just the person to cheer up some loved ones. Plus, it will keep them positively occupied. Make sure your kids are safe. Check on your child regularly (in context with their age and personality) in order to make sure you're aware of what they are doing with their screen time. Have talks with even young children about internet safety, and consider using educational apps and apps built for kids, such as YouTube Kids instead of the regular YouTube. Ok, that was a lot of info. Take a breath. (Really, take a breath). I want to remind you, assure you, implore to you, that you are a good parent. You have read this far, which is a good indication of your commitment to your child, no matter their age. Hang in there, take good care of yourself, and work hard to remember that you are not crazy, you are not selfish, and you are not alone. For further reading, I find these highlights from the American Association of Pediatrics practical and helpful. And of course, reach out if you need further support for you or for your child. #yegfamilycounselling #parenting #quarantinedwithkids #isolationwithkids #covid19 #parentingsupport #parentinghacks #screentime #howto #familycounselling #parentingadvice #yegparents #yegparenting #edmontonparents #quarantinehacks #parentinghelp #screentimeissanitytime

Yep, I hear you. You're stuck in the house with your kids, who are used to a routine. But usually it's their teacher or their daycare workers who come up with the routine, and lead your kid through it all day long. And they are paid to do it. You, on the other hand, are a parent who is NOT getting paid to be a parent (unfortunately). In fact, you are probably working from home in addition to homeschooling and keeping all the things running in your household. The last thing I want to do is add another thing to your heaping plate of responsibilities. But here's what I know: A simple routine, when done in a playful way, will help your kids cope, which may just keep you from going insane. Kids, especially young ones, are still trying to make sense of their world. Their little nervous systems are still pretty wobbly when it comes to self-regulation (read more about that here). Kids also have a very fluid sense of the passage of time. That's why your five year old thinks that 55 is the biggest age they can imagine and you have to tell your three year old that you are going on a trip in "three sleeps". Having a routine in place helps kids cope in a number of ways: Predictability is similar to turning on the lights in a dark room: it makes the unknown known. This helps reduce anxiety for kiddos, because they know what to expect. Having a significant change in schedule like we are all experiencing right now is hard for all of us, but it's especially difficult for small minds that just don't understand the "why" and "how long" questions. Routine relieves anxiety in parents, also! Guess what? You're also anxious. I'm just guessing, of course. But it would be crazy if you weren't at least a little bit more anxious than usual. There is a lot on your shoulders right now, and when you're at the end of your rope, the routine is your guide. Routine sets up consistent expectations for you and your child. You are working from home, trying to get your kids to do their school work, trying to keep the floors in your house visible, and also at the same time trying to keep everyone alive. Um, it's a LOT. Once there is a routine in place, both you and your child know which hours you need to be left alone, how much iPad time they get, what they have to do to earn privileges, and when you can spend some time together. Ok, if you weren't convinced already, maybe you are now. But how do you actually make it happen. I know, this is the stuff you actually need. Here are some practical ideas: Keep it simple. No need to have a minute-by-minute schedule. Seriously, this will only make your life worse. Suddenly you'll have a house full of lawyers telling you that it is 11:03 and you are late to take them on a walk even though you are caught on the tail end of a longer-than-expected conference call. Make it visual. Draw it, use clip art, have your kid draw it! Put that thing up on the wall in the kitchen, in the hall, in the bathroom, in your work space, and anywhere else you might need to point to it. Make it fun.Try out different ways to make the routine into a game. How about BINGO? Make a minimum number of key squares that your kids has to complete every day (get dressed, eat breakfast, go outside, do x amount schoolwork, do a small chore, eat lunch, etc.), and then add in extras for them to create BINGO, like extra chores, helping out a neighbour, writing a letter, etc. Make the routine the bad guy. You know that love-hate relationship you have with screen time? The routine can help. Struggling to get your kid dressed? The routine says they have to. Especially for younger kids, this really works. Brief and debrief at the beginning and end of day. Remind your kiddo in the morning of what day it is and point out the key parts of the routine and any changes that you will be making that day. In the evening, perhaps at supper or bedtime, review the day, talk about what went well, and discuss expectations for tomorrow. Parents, you guys are super heroes. Make the routine your cape! Hang in there and as always, reach out for support whenever you need it. #quarantinedwithkids#covid19#routine#routineforsanity@yegfamilycounselling#staysafe #staysane#shelterinplace#quarantinesurvival#parentingtips#coregulation#psychology#justbreathe#everythingwillbeok#copingskills#playtherapy#synergeticplaytherapy#emotionallyfocusedtherapy#familytherapist#familytherapy#reachout#normalizetherapy#mentalhealthawareness#alonetogether

Whoa, you guys, it is a CRAZY time right now. The world is shut down, and everything is different. When someone asks you, "How are you?" as a normal every day telephone greeting, you're sort of at a loss. As if you could even come up with an answer for that. It's even harder if you are stuck at home with kids. They are going nuts and are totally unable to understand why everything is so different all of a sudden. Why can't I go to preschool? Why can't my friends come over? Why can't we see Grandma and Grandpa? It's impossible to know how to even answer these questions without totally freaking them out. It's a TOUGH time to be a parent. I can't fix that, but I thought I would work for the next little while on posts that will help you find sanity in the midst of the crazy. Here is today's: You can't regulate your kid from a place of dysregulation. Ah, that word. Regulation. We've heard it too much. People usually use the term "self-regulation" when it comes to kids. As in, "Johnny needs to work on his self-regulation skills." Yeah, Johnny, get on that. The thing we are learning from attachment and neuropsychology research is that kids don't self-regulate, they co-regulate. (Actually, all of us co-regulate, but that is a topic for another time). Young nervous systems are still learning how to regulate themselves, and so they learn to regulate by being near another regulated adult. So here's the hard question: How you YOU regulate during a time like this? Being regulated doesn't mean being perfectly calm or zen. You can be anxious and regulated. You can be sad and regulated. Regulation simply means you are connected to your body and aware of what is happening for you in the present moment. So the next time you start to feel overwhelmed by state of the world, or the laundry pile, or the dishes or your kid's behaviour, take a minute and try one of these little exercises: Look around the room and use your senses. Pick 5 things you can see, hear, and touch. Or, name one thing in the room for every colour of the rainbow. Take 2 minutes to breath. I bet your diaphragm feels pretty tight from the stress. Notice it starting to loosen and let your lungs expand. Give yourself a reassuring touch. Put your hand on your chest. Wrap your arms around yourself. Put a supporting hand on the places that ache. This may feel weird or cheesy, but science tells us that self-touch lights up our brain in exactly the same pattern as if a loved one were touching us. Reach out. If you aren't coping well, call a friend or parent. Tell your partner, "I need a hug right now." Though you feel alone, you have people who love you and will do anything they can to support you. It's a hard time to be a parent, friends. Hang in there. And if there is anything I can do to support you during this time, please do let me know. Send and email, give me a call, whatever you need. If I can't help you, I will find someone who can. Be well. #quarantinedwithkids #covid19 #shelterinplace #quarantinesurvival #parentingtips #coregulation #psychology #justbreathe #everythingwillbeok #copingskills #playtherapy #synergeticplaytherapy #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #familytherapist #familytherapy #reachout #normalizetherapy #mentalhealthawareness #alonetogether

Emotionally Focused Therapy is all about the most important people in our lives, and how we try to connect with them. Sometimes we do this in ways that aren't that healthy. We get into a negative cycle that just keeps us spinning. The good news? It's no one person's fault... it's that nasty cycle that's messing you up. ​And the other good news? You can change it. Really. Research says so. So, think about the last time you got in a fight with your partner, or even if you didn't fight, the last time there were intense feelings between you. What was the little thing that set you off? Was it a small comment that felt critical? Was it that they didn't respond quickly enough to a request? Maybe you were just lying in bed and felt distant. We can all relate to this... a moment where a significant other isn't able to meet a need. It's usually not on purpose, but that doesn't make it feel any less threatening. When we sense threat, we look to quickly protect ourselves. We do this typically in two ways. The first way is to withdraw. Withdrawers tend to feel that they aren't enough for their loved one: not good enough at meeting their needs. The intent is to save the relationship by moving away, shutting down, hitting pause until emotions aren't running so high. In a healthy cycle, this can be the thing that is needed to help relationships stay on track and avoid doing or saying things that are hurtful. However, under stress, withdrawers shut down so completely that they may not even realize how they are feeling. This can leave their partners feeling left out in the cold. The other way people might protect themselves is to pursue. Pursuers feel like they are too much, too intense. They deal with their intense fear and longing by moving toward their loved one, trying to get them to open up and connect. In a healthy dynamic, this is how couples stay connected. Without pursuers, loved ones would be sitting in separate rooms of the house, never talking or sharing their frustrations. However, under stress, pursuers are so desperate to find a connection with their loved one that they may pursue by complaining or nagging, sometimes to the point of anger and criticism. Typically, in any couple, there is one pursuer and one withdrawer. These dynamics are dyadic and flexible, which is to say that they change between relationships and can change over time. You can see how these two positions might problematically intertwine. The Pursuer, upon feeling disconnected or stressed, moves toward their loved one, perhaps with a mild complaint. The Withdrawer then feels criticized and moves away. This creates more insecurity for the Pursuer, who gets more desperate and starts openly criticizing, which then of course causes a complete shut down for the Withdrawer. And round and round it goes. The cycle. No one person is at fault. Rather, it is each member coping with an unhealthy adaptation of their innately healthy desire to connect. When couples and families get caught up in their cycle, it is really hard to spot it and stop it. Emotions are running so high, and nervous systems are working in over drive to try and find safety. Give YEG Family Counselling a call to help get your cycle sorted out. #yegfamilycounselling #yegcounsellor #yegpsychologist #psychologistsofinstagram #edmontonab #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #emotionallyfocusedtherapist #familytherapist #couplestherapist #efttherapist #onlinetherapy