When Faith Hurts: Understanding Religious Trauma

I can’t remember when I first heard the term “religious trauma”. That feels strange to say (or write!) out loud, given that ever since the term came into my awareness it has been one of the central focal points of my life. This is true both in my professional therapeutic practice, as well as my personal life as I make sense of the world, my own experiences, and the experiences of those I love.

Even though I can’t remember the specific moment where I learned the term, what I do remember is the feeling that came with having a new label to ascribe to the experiences I was hearing about and exploring in my own life. It was like a light switched on – suddenly the patterns, pain, and stories I was hearing had a name and a deeper context. Someone’s religious background and faith experiences went from being just a bullet point in their story, to being the focal point in a constellation of many interconnected stars.

The concept of religious trauma has gained a lot of traction over the last handful of years--something I’m very thankful for! Previously, the research had focused on the ways religion and faith/spirituality can support folks in healing from trauma. It's only in recent years, however, that there's been a more formal recognition of the ways that religious communities can be a source of trauma and hurt (Stone, 2013). You might also hear religious trauma referred to by other names, such as spiritual abuse, or church hurt, just to name a few. While there is no one right way to define it, I have come to understand the concept as such: religious trauma refers to the response we have to the psychological harms that stem from teachings, doctrines, or environments of a religious nature that instill fear, shame, guilt, or confusion. Often, it emerges when religious beliefs or leaders convey the message (directly or indirectly) that a person is unworthy, inherently flawed, or at risk of rejection and punishment, whether in this life or in the afterlife. Over time, these messages can deeply affect a person’s sense of self, safety, and belonging, and they overwhelm our ability to cope (Anderson, 2023; Stone, 2013; Winell, 1993).

What's most insidious for those in religious and spiritual communities is the values that are attributed to different emotions and behaviours. Feelings of joy, contentment, and a service-oriented attitude are labelled as “positive” and are often upheld as ideals to strive for. While it's, of course, great to connect with feelings of joy and contentment, and to support others, it's unrealistic to assume that we are always going to live in that place. We're human! We're naturally going to experience the full range of human emotion – including anger, sadness, confusion, and more – and our capacity for supporting others will naturally ebb and flow. In many faith communities, however, this reality can be purposefully ignored. Emotions or behaviors labeled as “negative” may be discouraged, even though they're entirely normal and valid. As a result, we can begin to feel guilt or shame for simply experiencing these emotions, or for focusing on our own needs for a bit, rather than the needs of others (Stone, 2013; Winell, 2011). Over time, this can lead to emotional disconnection, a diminished trust in our own feelings, and the denial of personal needs—all in an effort to remain accepted and safe within the faith community. 

A woman of Asian descent with her head bowed and her hands clasped in front of her face in prayer.

Two men seated on the floor of a mosque with their backs facing the camera.

Six children of various races and ethnicities sitting in a row, praying.

A Japanese temple ceremony.

Jewish men wearing tefillin on their arms during weekday morning prayers.

A choir of Black folks standing in robes in pews.

A Hindu prayer ceremony.

Three women in hijab, bowing their heads, with their eyes closed, and palms open to the ceiling.

A Catholic Priest blessing a congregant.

Identity plays a really important part in this, too. In many faith communities, there are often unspoken (or loudly spoken) rules about which identities are considered acceptable—and which aren’t. This can include things like our sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, cultural background, family structure, neurodiversity, personality, and more (Winell, 2011; Stone, 2013; Hollier et al., 2022). When who we are does not align with what is deemed “acceptable”, we are left with very few options for safety. When I talk about this with clients, I often use the image of a volume dial on a radio. We learn early on which parts of ourselves are welcomed and which ones aren’t, so we start turning the volume way up on the parts that are seen as okay— maybe your more altruistic parts – and we turn the volume down, sometimes all the way off, on the parts that aren’t. Over time, we can lose touch with parts of ourselves that are beautiful, important, and sacred. When that happens, we can start to feel unworthy, confused, and disconnected from who we truly are. This inauthenticity can take a deep toll on us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. 

We know religious trauma can impact us all in a lot of different ways, and that many of us are navigating these waters. What I’ve shared here is just a glimpse into some of the ways it shows up, of course. If any of this resonates with you, please know that you’re not alone. At YEG Family Counselling, you’ll always find a safe and supportive place to land. If you're ready to explore these kinds of experiences, here are a few things we want you to hold onto:

• Who you are is beautiful, valid, and real;

• You get to experience the full range of human emotion here;

• You get to decide what, if any, connection to faith and spirituality you want to have moving forward. 

  
  

I hope that sharing how I think about religious trauma in my practice helps you begin to shape your own understanding of it. I also hope it brings a sense of comfort to those of you who recognize yourselves in the experiences and ideas I’ve described. What you’ve been through is real, and if you're ready to start unpacking those experiences, you are always welcome here.

Resources for further learning: 

Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell 

When Religion Hurts You by Dr. Laura Anderson 

https://www.religioustraumainstitute.com/

References

Hollier, J., Clifton, S., & Smith-Merry, J. (2022). Mechanisms of religious trauma amongst queer people in Australia’s evangelical churches. Clinical Social Work Journal, 50(3), 275–285. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10615-021-00817-2

Stone, A. M. (2013). Thou shalt not: Treating religious trauma and spiritual harm with combined therapy. Group, 37(4), 323–337. https://doi.org/10.13186/group.37.4.0323

Winell, M. (1993). Leaving the fold: A guide for former fundamentalists and others leaving their religion. Apocryphile Press.

Winell, M. (2011). Religious trauma syndrome (Series of 3 articles). Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Today, 39(2), May 2011; 39(3), September 2011; 39(4), November 2011. British Association of Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies. Reprinted at Journey Free website: https://www.journeyfree.org/rts/rts-its-time-to-recognize-it/