Where Do You Feel That In Your Body?

I’m certain you’ve seen or heard it somewhere. Maybe in a therapy session, while reading a pop-psychology book, or during one of those social media scroll-spirals that we've probably all found ourselves stuck in. It’s hard to avoid at this point, maybe even replacing “how does that make you feel?” as the default phrase people associate with therapy. You know the one I mean: “Where do you feel that in your body?”

I’ll be the first to admit that both “how does that make you feel?” and “where do you feel that in your body?” are clichés, but clichés exist for good reason! Turning our intention inward and answering these questions can offer genuinely important information about how we're doing. That said, if you work with me, you’ll probably hear me preface these questions with something like, “this is such a therapist question, but…” I do that intentionally, because I know they can land with a bit of an eye-roll, or a 'why are you asking me this?' reaction. So today, I want to dig into why therapists ask this question--what we’re really trying to learn from it and how it can be a really meaningful thing for clients to notice.

In therapy, we talk about emotions. The easy to name ones, the more complicated ones, the more accessible, and the out of reach ones. We know that emotions bring with them a certain mental experience. Take this morning, for example: I stubbed my toe and immediately felt angry. My brain fired off thoughts like, “Who put this door here?” and “Why didn’t I look where I was going?” along with a collection of expletives. These are clearly thoughts associated with my anger. 

But emotions aren’t just thoughts. Outside of the throbbing toe, my body was having its own reaction to the situation. My face flushed, my heart rate sped up, I gritted my teeth, and I grimaced. That's because there's always something going on in our bodies alongside our emotions, whether we notice it or not. It's no coincidence then, that our emotions are also called feelings because we are, indeed, feeling them. In psychology, when something relates to the body--particularly when it's distinct from a thought process or emotion--we refer to it as 'somatic.'

The above example is a fairly straightforward one; usually our emotions show up in ways that are trickier to read and harder to link to what we’re feeling.  If we’ve experienced the tragic loss of someone we love, are healing from trauma, or are just trying to make sense of how we feel in response to the nightmare that is the world right now, it gets even more complicated. We might be juggling many different emotions at once, some of them very different from each other, and sorting them out mentally is challenging enough. Throw in connecting with our body, something that we may be out of practice with (or not even feel safe doing), and it gets even more difficult. It makes sense then that, sometimes, when a therapist asks THAT question, it can feel pretty impossible to answer. 

So why do we focus on that physical component in therapy? Well, there are a few different reasons. The first is that, very often, your body beats your brain to the punch. You stub your toe, see something scary, or feel tension building, and your body reacts before you’ve had a chance to even think about it. Neuroscience shows this is normal: your nervous system is constantly scanning, reacting, and sending signals throughout your body before your conscious mind catches up. Those early signals can give clues about what’s really happening emotionally. If you’re noticing a deep pit in your stomach,  it might be a sign of anxiety or worry, or maybe disgust. Tightness in your chest could point to sadness or anger, and your heart racing might indicate a sense of fear. Paying attention to these signals helps reveal patterns, highlight intensity, and uncover reactions we might not even realize we’re having. Maybe focusing on our body can lead to us consciously realizing, “I had no idea this situation was hitting me so hard emotionally, but my racing heart is showing me just how anxious I really am.”

Focusing on the body and parsing out what is happening physically during emotional experiences also helps us learn something about regulating our feelings. If we notice tension in our shoulders, we can maybe say, “oh, I guess I’m feeling a bit freaked out right now.” Simply noticing and naming the sensation can help us soothe yourselves, and then we can intentionally relax that part of our body, which in turn helps calm the mind. Paying attention to the body in this way gives us a practical, step-by-step way to work with emotions instead of getting overwhelmed by them.

Finally, paying attention to what’s happening in your body can help in several important ways. It can build your tolerance for difficult emotions, strengthen self-awareness and understanding, and give you a starting point for speaking to yourself more kindly. Emotions are going to happen, and they are a very important part of being a human. When we pay attention to what we are feeling instead of ignoring it, we can better understand what our emotions are trying to tell us and respond in ways that are thoughtful and helpful. 

We hope that this sheds some light on why this is something you might hear a therapist say in our clinic. While we will continue to ask it in different ways, know that we get it. You have my full permission to roll your eyes and call us cliché. We’ll laugh and make fun of ourselves with you! And then probably ask where you feel that annoyance in your body. 

If this is something you're interested in exploring for yourself, or if you have someone in your life that could benefit from this type of support, I would encourage you to read my bio and complete your intake with YEG Family Counselling today.